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Dr. Petroski
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It's not you, it's me.

on Thu May 24, 2018 9:10 pm
Breaking off a romantic relationship can be hard to do because of the often-intense emotions involved in the process. Many of us can remember the somber moment when somebody says “it’s not you, it’s me” as eyes swell with tears, emotions run hot and cold, and couples (at least, some of them) find a private area to break up so as not to have an emotional outburst in front of family, friends, or strangers.

So, why not just send a text?

Sending a text message communicates a lack of desire to interact while allowing both parties to read the same “it’s not you, it’s me” message without having to read and respond to the other’s nonverbal signals. After all, if one has already made up their mind about the dissolution of the relationship, than what can be gained by further interaction?

Of course, many of you (ourselves included) recognize that the preceding suggestion is remarkably cold and impersonal. But think about it this way: Is not a breakup in fact cold and impersonal?

What is your reaction to this suggestion?

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Dr. Petroski
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KimDBrowneRegular1
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It's not you, it is me and there's nothing you can do about.

on Mon Jun 11, 2018 10:36 pm
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I agree with Hall19 breaking up with someone through a text or email is cold, calculated and the cowards way out I think however it all depends on the length of the relationship even though the feelings of hurt and despair might still be the same. If you have been in a relationship for months you have a chance to recover and move on, But if you have been in a relationship for years and you get this short message, it will hurt a lot more. This is better than being ghosted where the person disappears with a word. I have never experienced this type of break up. I have spoken those words, “It’s not you, it’s me” face to face, if I had the option I probably would have done via text to spare the person feelings, thinking it would hurt less. I guess no matter how you break up with someone there will still be hurt feelings.
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connollya3
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Text Message Breakups

on Tue Jun 12, 2018 2:28 pm
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Being broken up with over text message is one of the worst things that can happen. Not only is it cold and impersonal, but it makes it seem like the person doesn't care about you enough to do it face to face. At least face to face a little more emotion and discussion can occur and sometimes that helps with closure. I had a friend who was broken up with over text message and it was devastating for her. There was no closure and she felt like she had been ghosted.
stefanatosn1
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Breaking up through text

on Tue Jun 12, 2018 9:52 pm
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I believe breaking up with someone through text or email is not humane. If you break up through text you do not have to deal with the persons real emotions in real time. while texting you have time to read and think about what you're going to say next. If you breakup while face-to-face, you have to react to real emotions and i think you will actually be able to tell how what kind of connection you guys had through your feelings.
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matism1
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Re: It's not you, it's me.

on Tue Jun 12, 2018 10:29 pm
To add a contrarian voice to this thread...

I don’t think using a text message is inherently an awful thing to do. we are all looking for partners in this world in one form or another. to do that many of us must go on many dates and try many times. i feel there is an acceptable length of a relationship where such a message is useful. with the multiple ties we must do before we settle with a partner we meet many that we don’t click with and its no fault of them or our self . it just isn’t a match and in those cases a casual text is a good way to let them know its not going to work out so they must move on. its cold and simple but its keeps things business. they don’t have what you re looking for but it is no fault of them and thus they must try again. even after a few months its possible to keep a breakup casual with a method. it isn’t coldhearted or mean but just business. We are all looking for someone and the easiest we can let people go the better both will be in searching for their future partners.

Now with longer relationships of course text is not suffice because their isn’t anything cold about a long term breakup. Both parties have invested time and money into a relationship although the memories will still be there, they are both left older than when they began and must start again in trying to find a partner. No matter how cold you try and make a breakup like that both parties will be full of complex emotions that must be settled in a way that can reach closure. Especially when the goals is for both to move on and find new partners.
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Re: It's not you, it's me.

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